Thursday, November 7, 2013

solo uno.


Remember birthday treats?  Was that a thing everybody did?  To celebrate turning seven, you fed other children sugar?  You (but really your mom) made a metric ton of blue frosted cookies, which you loaded into a big tupperware container, dragged to school, and then benevolently allocated to each member of your class and to all of your teachers before recess.  Yes? You did this.  You understand what I'm saying.  I'm imagining you nodding your head.

My sister and I (because we are jerks) enjoyed requesting wildly complicated birthday treats.  There were definite highs (the year of the ice cream cone cupcakes) and lows (the popcorn ball incident of '99, from which I'm pretty sure we still have burns) but we were invariably sent to school each birthday with a box full of bitchin sweets that incited jealousy and hunger amongst our friends and enemies alike.  jk lawlz we didn't have enemies, we brought POPCORN BALLS to CLASS.  Big ups to my parents for making us cool and/or obesity enablers.

I may be turning twenty-three today, which is long past grade school, and I may be in another country, but I still totally brought birthday treats to class.  The humans at the language academy were like, "Wait, it's YOUR birthday.  Why are YOU feeding US?"  And the answer is that sometimes if you want brownies on your birthday, you gotta take matters into your own hands.


These smittenkitchen one-bowl brownies (I found vanilla extract at Taste of America! Praise Taste of America) are ruhl good.  Super chocolatey, minimal mess and a negligible time commitment.  Pretty drama free.  So really nothing like the birthday treats of yore.  Though I did step away for ONE SECOND and return only to find that someone had dragged their small child finger across the top of the pan I'd poured batter into.  I was like, "Are you serious?"  And a little Spanish chica screamed, "I DIDNT DO IT!!!!!!!!" She had chocolate all over her face.  I said, "You have chocolate all over your face."  She started crying and ran away.  And that was that.  I'm hoping she felt really guilty and prayed to Dios for forgiveness but I'mma be real with you, she probably forgot all about it when she turned the corner.  Kids, dude.

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