Thursday, May 16, 2013

suede glutton.

Pictures circa the Nordstrom website; now there are ads everywhere trying to get me to buy them. The internet is weird.
Charlotte Olympia, you have to stop.  You can't keep making all of these cool little things that are equally absurd and exorbitantly priced, like croissant clutches and cat feet and popcorn satchels and toucans that appear to be holding your iPhone in their GUTS, ugh just QUIT it.  You make me love you and loathe you simultaneously.  I feel so good about your weirdness sometimes (I would put feline wedges at the end of my legs and never ever remove them) and then occasionally I feel not good, not good at all.  You make me feel TOO MUCH, Charlotte Olympia!  I cannot go on like this.  I am not strong enough to handle you.

Ok ok fine, just one more thing, because these zodiac loafers might be perfect.  In the event that anyone fails to notice upon meeting me that I am a fiery arthropod with eight legs and a propensity for passion, I now have the option of wearing my birthdate on my toes.  I won't, because they are $700 dollars, but I could.  In your name, Charlotte Olympia, I will settle for reading my horoscope online and pouting.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

good evening, clarice.

I refuse to close the blinds on my bedroom window, which means a few things for me.
(1) The sun is my alarm clock in the morning.  I like this because it makes me feel One With The Earth or something.
(2) The books on my windowsill are getting a little bleachy faded.  This is also ok with me, as they look well-loved and summery, which is just the best way to be in general.
(3, and this is perhaps the most invasive) The construction project going on in the building across the alley from my window has caused numerous men to exist on a platform mere feet from my bed nearly every single day, and instead of closing the blinds or acknowledging their existence at all, I have decided to just go about my life as if nothing weird is happening.  The men have a lot to do over there, namely smashing things and making a lot of noise and yelling at each other, so I don't think they take much notice of me.  And if they do take notice, and if they are spying in some nefarious manner, then I wish them ill.  But I don't think that's the case.  We just do our own things on either side of the alley.  I imagine a small bit that I am Tilda Swinton in the MOMA except brunette and awake and hopefully no one is really staring that intently.

I WISH someone had been watching me make lunch today, because spring rolls deserve an audience.  They are perfect and light and cold and delicious, and if you are not eating them RIGHT NOW or taking steps toward eating them VERY SOON, then I do not endorse what you are doing.

Vegetable Spring Rolls
based off a thing they sell in Whole Foods

Rice paper rounds
Thinly sliced vegetables (I used matchstick carrots, cucumber, avocado and kale -- variety of texture is key)
Warm water

Rice paper is also called spring rolls skin, which is a term that I will not be using because it makes me feel like I'm in Silence of the Lambs.  It is stiff and sort of inedible straight out of the package, but becomes malleable and awesome after a very quick soak in warm water.

After softening your rice paper, spread the round out on a damp (plastic if you have it, wood sticks) cutting board.  In the lowest third of the paper, pile your filling in a horizontal row.

Wrap the rice paper as tightly as possible around the filling, making a long bundle.  Set aside, and begin the process again with a new sheet of rice paper.  When you have used up all of your filling, stick the bundles in the fridge for at least 30 minutes to chill before chopping them into smaller rolls.


Spicy Peanut Sauce
adapted from

2 tablespoons honey
2 tablespoons smooth peanut butter
2 tablespoons soy sauce
1 1/2 tablespoons rice vinegar
1/2 teaspoon chili-garlic sauce aka srirachUGH