Sunday, April 28, 2013

take it back.

What did your Sunday look like?  Mine looked like running out to purchase eggs in pajamas, late morning coffee, team sportz, post-shower naps and eggplant fries.

Make eggplant fries, is the main thing.  You can bake them in the oven if you are "concerned" about your "health" because that will certainly "cut back" on the "fat content," but like...why would you do that.  Vegetable oil, medium-high heat, drained on paper towels.
Fried things >>>>>>> not fried things.  That's science.

I used this recipe as my general guide, omitting the lemon and za'atar entirely because I didn't have one and what the heck is that, respectively. I also ignored their dipping sauce suggestion and whipped up my own, with miso, sriracha, tahini and honey.  You may notice a theme in my flavor profiles when left to my own devices.  I have a type.

It is supposed to be in the 70s tomorrow, knock on every wooden surface known to man. If you need to locate me, please check any and all fields.    

Thursday, April 25, 2013

we don't really need a mascot.

circa The Man Repeller
I am grinning like a freak today, I don't know what it is.  I'm in a crazyfantastic mood, and even though bummer things have happened, I have not been thrown.  Why?  Why?!  Is this happiness?!! ...she asked like an alien who had only ever previously read about the concept in books.  Actually though: I'm a pretty happy human generally, and right now I am somehow nutso carbonated, fizzin and bubblin all over the place.  Sorry if I leave a mess.  Moving on.

Today we discuss "YOLO."  All the kids are saying it.  Or they were when it was cool that one time.  I'm not gonna get existential on you -- though I could, and it would blow your mind, man -- and instead will just say that sometimes, you gotta remember YOLO.  If you are Leandra Medine, you can emblazon it across your heart or string it around your neck in diamonds, as the two above Instagram instances indicate (5x fast).  But if you are not, Only Living Once can be done in a much more practical way, like eating doughnuts for breakfast AND lunch, and then wearing a sundress with a cutout that reveals approximately your entire sternum.  Bigger stuff too, if you're into that: make the call, buy the gift, take the leap, ask the question.  But honestly?  Mostly doughnuts and sternums, because YOLO.

Interested in other acronym things you can put on your corpus?  Yeah dude me too.  I poked around the interwebs and the best thing I could find was this pack of temptats to make your own LMAO ROFL knuckle message.  "Thug life" is not an acronym.

Or maybe it is.
This Hand Understands Greatness Like It Feels Emotion.
Turnip Honey Udon Grapes Lasagna Ica Fajitas Eggplant.

In other news, it turns out I can totally do weird uneven geometric nail art on myself if I try!  This discovery is how you know I really should be packing.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

employee discrunch.


Dear Ben & Jerry's Ice Cream AND Essie Nail Polish,

You probably think its weird that I'm writing both of you a letter at the same time, considering the major differences between your products.  I will start by saying that you probably have a lot more in common than you think.  You are both vital factors at most sleepovers I attend and you are both hazardous to eat in large quantities, though I imagine only one of you to be fatal in that context.  You are both relatively inexpensive to purchase, can have a seasonal quality about you, and are open to creative combinations.  Your most important similarity, however, is that your products, which are each available in a myriad of varieties, are all interestingly named.  On the outside of your cartons and on the tops of your lids, lovely, silly, mellifluous and sometimes heartbreaking words and phrases give life to the contents within.

Yes, occasionally you let the flavor or shade speak for itself and call it like you see it, Boston Cream Pie or Garnet, Cake Batter or Pearly White.  But more often than not you get a little funky,  Karmel Sutra or Turquoise & CaicosWhat A Cluster or Madison AvenHUE.  Names like these are magnetic, pulling me through the frozen food aisle or past the rows of fake eyelashes at the jenky discount beauty supply story I frequent (Essie: I don't buy your polish full price, I'm sorry, but I own nearly your entire stock so you can't be upset).  I pick flavors and colors based more on their name than anything else.  Cherry Garcia.  Steel-ing the Scene.  I cannot imagine my life without these products -- chocolate and cherry in my belly and matte grey on my fingertips -- which exist because they called out to me, punily, from their respective shelves.  Thank you for making my life delicious, colorful, and full of wordplay.  

What I'm really wondering with this letter is if you would consider hiring me to be the Chief Executive Namer of your products.  I am about to graduate college with, among other things, a degree in creative writing, which I trust you understand makes me wildly qualified to fill this position.  I am hoping CEN will be a full time gig, and will pay very handsomely.  I will also get free ice cream and nail polish for life as CEN, initially for research purposes during brainstorming sessions and then afterward as thanks for my incredible work.  

I even have some awesome ideas already on the drawing board.  MAUVEalus (obviously a sensible mauve).  Synecookie, New York (a take on the black and white cookie, which might only be a play and not real life at all).  Ideally the former is nail polish and the latter ice cream, but really, up to you.

I hope you get back to me soon regarding my hiring.  I'm a bombass employee and I know a fair amount of pop culture references as well as English words (some Spanish) that I could easily make pithy little sayings out of to adorn your plastic and cardboard.  What do you say?  The beginning of a beautiful friendship?  Casablanca could either be a super stark matte white polish or a really fancy vanilla. 

Peace and blessings,


Tuesday, April 23, 2013

post quarantine.

Things You Should Look Into: a list 

1. Free concerts offered down the street from your apartment
2. Music featuring prominent brass sections (related)
3. Recipes for caramelized banana pancakes
4. Brown rice miso, and then:
5. Uses for brown rice miso
6. Summery sneaks to stare at while painting your old plain Vans
7. What you are going to do with your life slash future (this is a low priority)
8. The location of your disposable camera that you have yet to develop
9. Putting your clean laundry away
10. Procuring a tan
11. Getting a lighter (stop lighting candles with your stove, you're being a hazard)
12. Watering the flowers

Monday, April 22, 2013

good morning starshine

day of the earth
Click this thing to shop it, cakecakecake.

Its Earth Day, y'all!

I dunno, celebrate in the way that feels the most right for you. I could think of some ideas (garden?! conserve energy??! buy organic things?!?!) but I don't want to be prescriptive.  

Personally, I'mma get inspired by nature-centric clothing articles, go for a looong run by the lake, and then go out tonight wearing my vegetable socks.  AND NOTHING ELSE, EXACTLY HOW NATURE INTENDED.  

...Just kidding I will wear a lot more things.

1. We Are Handsome mustangs one piece, which is honestly one of the less awkward things they make
2. Verameat bunny ring, ditto above
3. NastyGal neon bloom pant making me want to watercolor my own body
4. River Island snake cuff, yes please
5. Watermelon turband from Cult Gaia, though this is really the one I'm after
6. Doc Martens x Liberty London 1460 Boot in flower leather, ugh if only I was cool
7. French Connection sequin bird sweatshirt
8. New World dress by Motel, featuring maybe a landscape from space in which case disregard

Saturday, April 20, 2013

houston train.

American Apparel chambray sleeveless; Forever 21 Sweater; Zara skirt; Hue tights; Dolce Vita loafers (I realize these are absent for you. I'm just saying); vintage necklace; MAC lipstick in Bronze
Wanna know the realest thing?  The realest thing is suuuuper al dente (by accident) pasta shells, with store bought sauce, and mulitcolored grape tomatoes that you sliced into little wedges, eaten out of a giant coffee mug with a spoon in front of back to back episodes of Parks and Rec.  Hi, I'm 22, who are you?

Today I looked decidedly not 22, I will say, if only because the ensemble I chose to adorn my body with was eerily similar to my high school uniform.  We did not have a chambray polo option, nor highlighter pink as a sweater choice, but the gist was the same.  Flouncy.  Modest.  Easy.  I looked (or maybe just felt? but probably looked) 15.  

Bouncers at bars sometimes tell me I still look 15.  So.  Grain of salt, I guess.

Additionally, I wore gold lipstick.  It faded significantly by the time the above picture was taken -- it looked a little more like this -- and after polling all male figures in my life, found that it was universally loathed.  Responses ranged from "I hate that, never do that again," to "You look............... Egyptian."  The problem is I just really like it a lot; it makes me feel a teensy bit like Ke$ha, which is the maximum amount of Ke$ha that anyone should be.  

Thursday, April 4, 2013


 Coincidence & Chance cardigan; J. Crew dress; vintage belt; H&M booties
 Easter wants a dress, lil grey lil breeezy lil wind wants a sweater.  If I love anything, its the best of all worlds. BRB gonna eat some of my 3 pound canister of jelly beans.