Friday, November 16, 2012

say crack again.

If it is a soccer game snack -- if someone's mom handed them out with Capri Suns after your devastating loss to the Orange Fireflies (2-4-6-8, they're who you appreciate) -- my feeling is that you should not be making them from scratch.  There is a line to be drawn somewhere, a line between homemade and overkill, and I would like to draw it here, in thick permanent ink.  Graham crackers? No. Wheat Thins?  No.  Fruit Roll-Ups?  Stop.  Goldfish?  South of the line.  Put down the fish shaped cooked cutter.  This is the beginning of the end.  Just buy them at the store.  They are snacks.  Just buy them at the store.  You know I am all for kitchen ingenuity.  But just buy the snacks.

Why do I feel this way?  I do not know.  Maybe I want to keep Pepperidge Farm in business.  Maybe I am lazy.  Maybe I feel threatened by the people who rework pantry staples to be devoid of butter/sugar/all that is good.  Maybe I want to be able to open a bag of something that I did not slave over and decimate the entire thing in front of an episode of 30 Rock.  Is this wrong?

So then, right, whatever, I saw these cheese cracker things on Joy the Baker and...I caved.  I said to myself, these are ostensibly round Cheese-Its.  The recipe calls for a lot of butter and a lot of cheese.  I am not improving the nutritional value of this snack.  I am not making these in lieu of purchasing the very same product because of a control freak problem that I have.  In fact, I will also BUY some Cheese-Its.  This is an exercise in comparison.  This is an experiment.  I am doing this for science.

Ultimately these crackers were nothing like Cheese-Its: much butterier, much thinner, much flakier, and probably very much worse for you.  Not at all like crackers, really.  Wafers?  But so freaking good tasting.  I ate many off the baking sheet, and then we threw some on top of tomato basil soup and that was an inspired decision.

Conclusion: These are a garnish.  Not a snack.  Not a snack!  Thick permanent marker line stays where it is.  Look elsewhere for recipes for homemade Triscuits or Pop Tarts or Double Stuffed Oreos, because this chick's getting her snack on out of a package, yaheard?

PS: I'm doing this thing where if I don't adapt the recipe or don't feel the need to go over specifically difficult steps with you, I just link the recipe.  How do we feel.  Do we hate this?
She said to the universe.
No one answered.
She sighed.

LOL JK, gonna go pan-fry some tofu now.

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